12 Massive DVD Box Sets You Need to Own

As 2007 comes to a close, there’s been an onslaught of definitive DVD collections that’ll keep you busy until spring. We made it through 386 disc, 20 bags of Doritos, a case of Sparks, and countless bedsores to determine the ones you need to own and why. Hell, we even weighed them, which is more than we can say for ourselves. (We’re kinda fat now.)

The X-Files: The Complete Collector’s Edition,$230
Weight: 7 lbs., 9.2 oz.
Number of Discs: 61 (nine complete seasons, 201 episodes, The X-Files: Fight the Future movie)
Case: A huge black box…that will enslave your soul.
Why You Want It:The X-Files may have gotten really frustrating toward the end, but it was still one of the most creative and entertaining shows to ever air on network TV. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, you’ll wonder what the hell it all means. This set also includes a movie poster, comic book, set of art cards, and 60-page episode guide. Plus, if you don’t like it you could make it your coffee table.
Buy it

James Bond 007: Ultimate Collector’s Set,$200
Weight: 7 lbs., 2.3 oz.
Number of Discs: 42 discs (21 movies)
Case: A massive black box that is heavier than all the Bond girls combined.
Why You Want It: There are over 40 hours of special features, many of which taught us more about the world than any dumb-ass college professor. Just make sure you don’t lift this without bending your knees. The last thing you needs is another hernia. [Read the Maxim.com review]
Buy it

Star Trek: The Next Generation Complete Series, $300
Weight: 5 lbs., 6.2 oz.
Number of Discs: 49 (seven seasons, 176 episodes, one bonus disc)
Case: A green plastic box that matches the color of our dream home.
Why You Want It: Because you’re a closet nerd like us, it was a great show, and no one should be seen buying all seven seasons separately. The only downside: This isn’t the one with Jeri Ryan playing Seven of Nine, though. (That was Voyager, noob.)
Buy it

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Complete Series, $145
Weight: 5 lbs., 3.5 oz.
Number of Discs: 44 (nine seasons, 210 episodes)
Case: It’s a house! (Even though it’s cardboard, we still plan on living in it for the next six months.)
Why You Want It: Proof that Ray Romano’s TV family is much funnier/meaner than yours. And we thought we had a dumb brother and jerk parents. (Oh, and we do.)
Buy it

Man From U.N.C.L.E.: The Complete Series,$250
Weight: 4 lbs., 14.7 oz.
Number of Discs: 41 (all four complete seasons, 105 episodes, two bonus discs)
Case: A mini silver cardboard briefcase, which is by far one of the coolest packaging jobs out there.
Why You Want It: Think of this as James Bond: The TV Show focusing on two superagents who are suave and have access to an unlimited supply of awesome gadgets. (Well, awesome for the ’60s. If either of these guys saw an iPod or TiVo they’d probably crap themselves.)
Buy it

Miami Vice: The Complete Series,$135
Weight: 3 lbs., 12.2 oz.
Number of Discs: 27 (five seasons, 111 episodes)
Case: White faux-alligator-skin box with a teal inside lining. If only they made boots like this we’d be the coolest guys at the arcade.
Why You Want It: What you’ve got here are five seasons of ’80s magic. From the neon suits to the cookie-cutter Floridian drug dealers to Sonny Crockett’s stubble, one of the greatest cop shows of all time just hijacked your life. Hopefully it doesn’t do the same to your wardrobe. [Read the Maxim.com review]
Buy it

Northern Exposure: The Complete Series,$135
Weight: 3 lbs., 11.1 oz.
Number of Discs: 26 discs (six seasons, 110 episodes)
Case: Suede bag with a shearling liner. (“Shearling” is what women call it. To us it’s fake lamb’s wool.)
Why You Want It: This show about a New York doctor forced to practice medicine in nowheresville Cicely, Alaska, is funny and quirky; and chicks go crazy for it. Bonus for you: Janine Turner is at her hottest. [Read the Maxim.com review]
Buy it

MacGyver: The Complete Series,$137
Weight: 2 lbs., 7.9 oz.
Number of Discs: 39 (seven seasons, 139 episodes, two never-before-release-on-DVD movies)
Case: A long rectangular box. It’s not just a container for DVDs. If mixed with the right elements, it can be used to overthrow a government or deliver a baby.
Why You Want It: Apparently one of Richard Dean Anderson’s skills as MacGyver is saving us the hassle of buying all seven seasons previously released on DVD and making it one huge collection. And he didn’t even need a contact lens, Vaseline, and a tampon to do it. [Read the Maxim.com review]
Buy it

Dr. Katz Professional Therapist: The Complete Series,$119
Weight: 1 lb., 14.7 oz.
Number of Discs: 13 (six seasons, 61 episodes)
Case: Dark-colored box with a picture of the good doctor on the cover.
Why You Want It: There’s nothing better than delving into the screwed-up minds of the funniest comedians on the planet. [Read the Maxim.com review]
Buy it

Warner Directors Series: Stanley Kubrick,$55
Weight: 1 lb., 8.8 oz.
Number of Discs: 10 (five movies, one documentary)
Case: Regular ol’ box. They totally missed the opportunity to shape this like the Overlook Hotel. Looks like we’re building our own.
Why You Want It: It’s got special edition versions of Full Metal Jacket; The Shining; Clockwork Orange; 2001: A Space Odyssey; and Eyes Wide Shut and a two-hour documentary on Kubrick. We’d make a joke, but Gunnery Sergeant Hartman’s got no sense of humor and would just beat us again. The bastard already took away our jelly donut. [Read the Maxim.com review]
Buy it

My So-Called Life: The Complete Series,$45
Weight: 1 lb., 6.8 oz.
Number of Discs: Six (one season, 19 episodes)
Case: Like a hardcover book, but instead of being an actual book it’s a cute photo of Claire Danes.
Why You Want It: You don’t want this, but your girlfriend/wife/life partner will kill for it. Get it for them, leave the room immediately, and be thankful it only lasted 19 episodes.
Buy it

Twin Peaks: The Definitive Gold Box Edition,$65
Weight: 1 lb., 4.6 oz.
Number of Discs: 10 (original and international pilots, two seasons, 29 episodes)
Case: Just a regular box. For such a creative show, they really cheaped out in this department.
Why You Want It: Girls love Twin Peaks for its romantic setting, small-town charm, and surreal story line. You’ll love it because it has an incredibly hot cast—Mädchen Amick, Lara Flynn Boyle, Sherilyn Fenn—in tight sweaters and waitress uniforms. [Read the Maxim.com review]
Buy it