Ja Rule Wants to Release a Jailhouse Microwave Cookbook

It can’t be worse than Vegan Cooking for One, so, there’s that…

Justine Goodman

Oct 24, 2013

The Internet is shitting itself today over the news that rapper Ja Rule – the musical prodigy who birthed such classics as “Always on Time” and “Put It On Me” – has expressed an interest in publishing a “microwave cookbook” based on the nuke-friendly dishes he perfected while serving a two-year prison sentence that concluded earlier this year.

In an appearance on Geoffrey Zakarian’s SiriusXM show “Food Talk,” Ja said that he became quite the master chef while incarcerated, but his options were limited – what with the whole being in jail thing – so he had to resort to preparing food the old-fashioned way: with a microwave. Apparently, his specialties include lasagna and cheesecake.

We know what you’re probably wondering: “How did a convicted felon even have access to a microwave in prison? And why am I the one eating canned peaches for dessert while this guy’s perfecting his cheesecake recipe with my tax dollars?” It’s better not to dwell on any of that stuff. (But if you must know, the answer is because he’s Ja Rule, and fuck you).

So, will this book get published? God willing. And lest you think this is the worst idea you’ve ever heard, just be glad it’s not one of these other cookbooks:

Vegan Cooking For One

The most delicious way to confirm that you should, in fact, take your own life.

Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook

For those who interpret the word “cocktail” a little too literally.

Recipes for Sad Women

Find it at your local bookstore in the “Self-Fulfilling Prophecies” section.