The Legit star answers the same 10 questions we always ask everyone!
You first gained notoriety as a comedian after being punched onstage. Is that a technique you’d recommend for all new stand-ups?
I’d do that in the UK, but in America there’s a good chance the person will have a gun. But yeah, I was punched in the head in Manchester about five years ago – he was drunk and about five minutes after I made this comment to some girl, he just sort of came up and punched me. He never said anything – that’s why I didn’t really fight back, I didn’t know I was in a fight!
You’re Australian, but you recently moved from Britain to America. Which do you like best?
Well, in America, they’re giving me a TV show… The UK wouldn’t give a sitcom to an Australian. The only Australian host you’ll see there is Adam Hills, who hosted the Paralympics, and that was only because he’s missing a fucking leg. If they’d found a legless British guy, they probably would’ve given it to him.
You’re currently starring in Legit on FX – for people who haven’t seen the show, how would you describe it?
It’s an extremely poor-taste comedy with a surprising amount of heart in it. Someone said it’s like Curb Your Enthusiasm for poor people. With a disabled guy.
AND NOW: THE SAME 10 QUESTIONS WE ALWAYS ASK EVERYONE!
Photo by Matthias Clamer/FX
What was the last thing you had to apologize for?
I had to apologize to my girlfriend for saying that one of the Housewives of Beverly Hills had nice tits. That was yesterday – she was watching it and I go, “She has a nice boob job, doesn’t she?” and then she looked at me and I said, “I’m sorry.” We’ve got a new baby and everything, so talking about other tits is off the table at the moment.
What’s your favorite curse word?
C**t. That’s just because of location – it seems to be a word I get away with more than Americans do. Americans enjoy hearing me say it – they don’t think I know any better, so they let me do it. Plus it’s slightly more charming in my accent.
What’s the worst hangover you’ve ever had?
I got into a fist fight with a manger of a comedy club – when I woke up in the morning I only remembered the fight, not the reason for the fight. It turned out it was because I was saying Bill Burr was a better comedian then me and he said, “No, I think you’re better then Bill Burr,” so I told him to fuck off and I hit him, haha! It was a fight over a compliment!
What was your first car?
It was a 1979 golden Holden Gemini and it was about 400 Australian dollars.
Do you have a scar that tells a story?
I’ve got a scar on my head that’s from a break-in where a guy cut me with a machete. And I’ve got a scar on the side of my penis where a sebaceous cyst was cut out that they thought was cancerous. So you can take your pick from those two scars.
Shockingly, we’re going to go with the first one.
Well, two guys broke in, one with a machete and one with a hammer. They thought me and my roommate were drug dealers, and we weren’t – we were just comedians who didn’t seem to work very much.
How did you convince them you weren’t drug dealers?
They searched the house and they didn’t find any drugs and that was the end of that. But I got a small cut on my head from the machete.
Do you have a party trick?
When I’m drunk I pull my cock out a lot, but I wouldn’t call that a trick. When I was younger – and I would never do this now – I used to be able to chug a small bottle of ketchup. It was just a stupid drinking game when we were students.
Besides ketchup bottles, what’s the biggest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
I once had a bull’s testicle, cut up in a kebab – that’s like the size of a softball. It was when I was very poor, living in London, and I was drunk and wanted to eat but I didn’t have any money. So the guy I was with was like, “I’ll buy you food, but you have to eat what I buy you.” And he bought me a bull’s testicle kebab and I was so drunk I ate the whole thing.
How was it?
It was alright. I can’t really remember it. The consistency was quite soft – it was like eating liver.
What’s the one thing to remember in a fist fight?
Get down low and go, go, go! It’s the same as a fire; just get out of there. I am not a fighter. If anyone wants to have a fist fight with me, I’m going to probably run away. I’m an excellent scurryer-awayer.
Who was the last person to see you naked?
My girlfriend saw me naked this morning. Besides her, probably a girl called Bre Blair who I had a bed scene with in Legit. It was a very weird thing – the one thing I say to the girls is, “If I get an erection, I’m sorry, and if I don’t get an erection, I’m sorry.”
What is the etiquette there?
Well, they had one where I had to be in bed with two girls. We rehearsed it clothed, and I got an erection then. I had to be in just my underwear for filming, and I thought, how am I going to let that happen? I’m just in my underwear! So I went out to the bathroom and knocked one out so I would be okay. I think it was sort of polite.
Finish this sentence: If I ruled the world for a day, I would…
If I ruled the world for a day I would probably stay in bed. I know myself too well – if I got up and did things, I’d fuck everything up.
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