Top 10 Sexiest UK Soap Stars
Who knew soaps could be so watchable?
Soap girls: we love ‘em and their bed-hopping plot lines. Here’s our top ten sexy soap sirens for the year so far…
1. NAME: ALISON KING AKA CARLA CONNOR
SOAP: CORONATION STREET
Photo: Bob Cass / Capital Pictures / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Fit as fuck alcoholic MILF with a penchant for bin men and other winos, this soap dish has overdosed, run over love rivals and been accused of murder, all while running a successful rags business.
MOST LIKELY TO
Carla King’s like the ultimate naughty mum who lives across the road. She’s the experienced, older woman who occasionally casts you dark seductive glances through waves of brunette hair. Then one day she invites you in, seduces you and leads you to her lair where she strips you naked. Then something snaps, her eyes see only rage and she bites off your manhood and runs screaming to the stairwell where she crams it into a jar where it lives alongside rows and rows of other dismembered nobs in formaldehyde. Maybe we watched too much zombie porn, but you get the picture.
REALITY BITES
You may recognize Alison from her role in Sky’s silly soccer soap Dream Team and she was also the fit face of Boddington’s beer about ten years ago. Coolest though, is that she appeared in Jackie Chan’s Shanghai Knights. Well it’s no Young Master, but hey.
WHY WE LOVE HER
She’s nuts and we’re suckers for mad, older women
2. NAME: JORGIE PORTER AKA THERESA MCQUEEN
SOAP: HOLLYOAKS
Photo: Can Nguyen / Capital Pictures / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Holly dolly single mum who shot a man in the face and whose own mother tried to sell both of her kidneys for cash, Theresa’s a sucker for the bad lads.
MOST LIKELY TO
This pocket rocket baby blonde is lust at first sight, but beware of getting into bed with ‘Treeze’ as there’s every chance that there’ll be someone else the other side of you. Not a problem if you don’t mind flesh light saber battles, otherwise steer clear.
REALITY BITES
Talented Jorgie appeared on skate-with-a-mate TV vote-athon show Dancing on Ice. The Hollyoak’s heartthrob made the final and finished second.
WHY WE LOVE HER
The sexiest sixth-former on British TV (admittedly with a baby) Jorgie Porter is pert perfection and the only reason we might move to Chester.
3. NAME: MICHELLE KEEGAN AKA TINA MCINTYRE
SOAP: CORONATION STREET
Photo: Steve Ross / Capital Pictures / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Kebab wrapping, pint-pulling Northern totty who aided and abetted in sham marriage scam with boyfriend and Chinese chum with deportation order looming. Heartbroken as lover falls for Chinese cracker and elopes.
MOST LIKELY TO
Make you a nice Paella and swig a carafe of sangria with you as the Stockport lass claims her ‘exotic’ look comes from her grandmother who was born and raised in sunny Gibraltar.
REALITY BITES
Tina originally auditioned for Hollyoak’s but was rejected for some odd reason. We think she’d have fitted right in with the Chester totty.
WHY WE LOVE HER
Who wouldn’t want to date a girl who can pull you pints all night, then make you the perfect kebab? Anyway, we’re just happy to lust over her while she grips the beer pump suggestively… well, in our heads.
4. NAME: GEMMA MERNA AKA CARMEL MCQUEEN
SOAP: HOLLYOAKS
Photo: Wizard / Capital Pictures / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Dizzy blonde masseuse cum beauty parlor technician who turned to God following the murder of her baby sis and promptly shagged the first priest that popped his cassocks into view.
MOST LIKELY TO
Arrest you for a public disorder offence, wave you a couple of Hail Mary’s and then screw you in the park.
REALITY BITES
Curvy Gemma makes no bones getting her breasts enhanced at the age of 21 claiming it was the best thing she ever did for her confidence. We’re quite pleased with the results too.
WHY WE LOVE HER
Her flirtation with community policing means she has to wear a uniform – she can take down our particulars any day!
5. NAME: JENNIFER METCALFE AKA MERCEDES MCQUEEN
SOAP: HOLLYOAKS
Photo: Bob Cass / Capital Pictures / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Stunning brunette with penchant for cheating every time a stable relationship rears its head. Managed to bed her last fella’s dad while simultaneously getting up the duff and abducted by the local serial killer.
MOST LIKELY TO
Toy with your heart then crush it as she runs off with your buffed up uncle whose perma-tanned, sweat glistening torso has been a permanent fixture these last two weeks as he renovates that shed for your dad. Now you understand why Mercedes sat motionless on your sofa staring listlessly out into the yard. If only you’d noticed her eyes devouring every inch of Uncle’s sinewy back. If only you’d put the PS3 controller down when you’d finally cracked the Mines of Galdor and retrieved the Elven gold. If only you’d picked up on her “I bet he’s good with wood” comment. Oh, how it’s like a stake through the heart now… ah, you get the picture.
REALITY BITES
Stunning Jennifer co-owns clothes rental store The Closet in Liverpool with co-stars Claire Cooper and Leah Hackett. Stalkers ahoy!
WHY WE LOVE HER
We love a bad girl, and when she’s as shapely as Mercedes we’re hooked. Her recent dabbling with hooker-dom has made Sundays seem sane again.
6. NAME: KYM MARSH AKA MICHELLE CONNOR
SOAP: CORONATION STREET
Photo: David Hitchens / Capital Pictures / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Ex-factory machinist who now also pulls pints with tiny tease Tina, Michelle is the sister of our Top 10’s mega-MILF Carla. Previously poked the pay roll by bedding the pub landlord before running off to croon on a cruise boat with fellow bar hand Ciaran (Keith Duffy ex-Westlife boy band fop).
MOST LIKELY TO
Serenade you with a Hear’Say classic (was there one?) while pulling you a pint of The Rovers tepid mild.
REALITY BITES
Some of you might remember that there was life before the Street for curvy Kym as she was formerly a member of processed pop band Hear’Say back in the early 2000s.
WHY WE LOVE HER
Kym could actually qualify as a MILF but her girlish good looks and sexy, cropped mop leave us weak in the knees. We’d even listen to her belt out the odd Hear’Say number…maybe.
7. NAME: NATALIE ANDERSON A.K.A. ALICIA GALLAGHER
SOAP: EMMERDALE
Photo: Eamonn McCormack / WireImage | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
The third puller of pints to grace our top ten soap strumpets, sex on legs Alicia Gallagher is a no-nonsense girl who speaks her mind and dresses to kill. Currently serving a stretch at Her Majesty’s convenience for knocking seven shades of shit out of her boss.
REALITY BITES
Naughty Natalie first attracted the ardor of red-blooded British men when she appeared as a contestant on ITV’s Pop Idol. Sadly for Nat she failed to make the cut in the heats, squeezed out by Joker-faced, loafer-toed warbler Will Young.
MOST LIKELY TO
Dress up to the max in Primark’s finest interpretations of last season’s couture and then kick the living shit out of you for jolly. Hopefully she’d play nurse for you afterwards and kiss all the bruises, welts and stiletto stabs better.
WHY WE LOVE HER
Quite simply whether she’s dressed to the nines as Alicia or glamour modeling as Natalie we think the Emmerdale angel is a stunner. Honestly, you could dress her in a soiled garbage bag and we’d still love her!
8. NAME: FIONA WADE AKA PRIYA SHARMA
SOAP: EMMERDALE
Photo: Photoshot / Retna Ltd. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Spicy Indian hottie with a taste for the good times, the masala babe is too much of a goodie two-shoes to see her naughty thoughts through.
MOST LIKELY TO
Take you home and introduce you to the family. Here you’ll spend the next two hours being quizzed by suspicious brothers each of whom has sussed your grubby plans for their sweet sister.
REALITY BITES
Back when we were all snotty school kids, Fiona starred in pre-homework favorite Grange Hill as the rebellious, alcoholic, man-eating teenager Joanna Day.
WHY WE LOVE HER
If we could bottle her beauty we’d glug pints of it and then swim around in vat of her until we drowned… if that’s possible.
9. NAME: SAMARA WEAVING AKA INDIGO WALKER
SOAP: HOME AND AWAY
Photo: Don Arnold / WireImage | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
She experimented with weed and literally tripped into a coffee table. The Aussie blonde bombshell has been through one messy marriage before she even managed to graduate from college.
MOST LIKELY TO
Take you on a journey into ‘Reefer Madness’ on the Summer Bay beach where you’ll develop crazy mad munchies and drown trying to spear fish with a spent Rizla packet.
REALITY BITES
Samara is the niece of antipodean acting machine Hugo Weaving who you’ll know as Agent Smith in the Matrix trilogy and the elf bloke in Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Cue threesome gag.
WHY WE LOVE HER
Under those sexy blonde locks and high cheekbones we think this sexy, surf beach babe has a heart of gold.
10. NAME: EMILY SYMONS AKA MARILYN CHAMBERS
SOAP: HOME AND AWAY
Photo: Richard Kendal / Retna UK. | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
Big breasted, hair-snipping clairvoyant who loves to dress up in slutty leopard print, cleavage bulging outfits and heels. The scissor brandishing blonde is a bit of an airhead but endured the absolute marriage mismatch to headmaster “Flathead” Fisher.
REALITY BITES
Out of Summer Bay and in the ‘real world’ Emily was married to the son of an English Viscount and relative of stationary tycoon W.H. Smith. Yeah, the place you used to browse porn before broadband.
MOST LIKELY TO
This isn’t about what Marilyn’s most likely to do. This is all about us. She’s probably beyond MILF, but we don’t care. Every time we see her tottering around in those heels, with breasts spilling sideways out of her jungle dresses, it drives us wild. We know it’s all kinds of wrong but it’s our list, go make your own!
WHY WE LOVE HER
We don’t care. Not listening to you. Talk to the hand.
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