Kevin Smith recently announced that he’s seen the new Batman suit for Batman Vs. Superman, and he’s frothing at the mouth about how awesome it is, comparing it to the suit in graphic novel Batman: Noel (pictured above). Now, once we get past the fact that Smith is hardcore BFFs with Affleck to the point where he’d endorse anything the guy does, we had to wonder – what exactly would Kevin Smith’s ultimate, dream Batman suit look like? We’re thinking this might be what he saw…
1 – Backwards baseball cap cowl, to both instill fear and remind people that there was definitely no cooler or more relevant decade than the ’90s.
2 – Batarang lightsabre. Because this is Kevin Smith, and he has to work Star Wars into absolutely everything.
3 – Trench coat cape. As well being flattering for the fuller-figured gentleman, it comes with extra-deep snack-hiding pockets for severe attacks of the crime-fighter munchies.
4 – Traditional bat symbol replaced with New Jersey Devils logo. This is one Batman who will wear hockey pads.
5 – Smartphone utility belt, so Batman never needs to be more than a second away from an angry Twitter tirade.
6 – Mark Hamill’s “Cockknocker” hand from Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, since everything needs to have at least one reference to a previous Kevin Smith movie.
7 – Depends Incontinence Underwear. Kevin’s run on writing Batman comics saw him rewrite a classic, fan-favorite Batman: Year One scene to include the fact that, apparently, Batman had pissed his pants, so these might be a necessary addition.
8 – Cut-off tights. Because…actually, we have no idea why he still wears cut-offs.
9 – The classic Bat-boots get replaced with a pair of sweet high-tops, since these are much more convenient for hiding your stash in a hurry.
10 – Shoes have built-in soap boxes to stand on. For obvious reasons.