Will Your College Mascot Get You Killed?

Warning to students: The creepier your mascot, the more crime-ridden your campus.

The Roadrunner, California State University Bakersfield


Just nine car thefts and 61 burglaries in two years. It seems a goofy, Wile E. Coyote–fooling bird equals a safe campus (just don’t order your supplies from ACME).

Bananas the Black Bear, University of Maine


Bananas looks like a thug, so it’s not surprising that the U of M saw five aggravated assaults and 46 counts of arson in just 24 months. And who the hell names a bear Bananas?

The Don, University of San Francisco


When your mascot has a cape and a skimpy mustache, you shouldn’t be shocked that your school’s had two murders, 17 car thefts, and 13 robberies, all between 2008 and 2010.

The Quaker, University of Pennsylvania


Two murders, 106 robberies, and 44 aggravated assaults in just two years? Blame the influence of this psychotic-looking “pacifist,” who seems perpetually ready to eat someone’s face.