Threesomes: they’re not just for special occasions or your Internet search history anymore. Having a “three-way,” as the hairy swingers of yore probably called it, is now just another standard box (absolutely no pun intended) to check off the average sexual bucket list.
“Threesomes are becoming mainstream,” says Rob, one-half of Bianca and Rob*, a married, high-end escort couple that specializes in threesomes (and are ranked the number-one escorts in New York City, according to the Erotic Review, a.k.a the “Yelp of Sex”). Mainly because “this country is getting pornified,” he says. “Men and women watch porn and then they get curious about trying different things.” Indeed, searches for “threesome” on PornHub.com climbed 31 percent in 2014 alone.
Your girlfriend–or current really game hook-up–might not even need much convincing. According to a poll by luxury sex toy company Lelo , 20 percent of women reported having a threesome in 2014, up from 10 percent in 2012. But how do three become one, without things getting triply awkward? Here, the eight simple rules for having a thoroughly enjoyable threesome.
Test the Waters
Trying to figure out if she’d be down to clown with a third? Bring it up in casual conversation using a pop culture reference and gauge her reaction: “Did you hear that Jason Biggs and his wife had a threesome in Vegas? Crazy!” or “Oh, look, Wild Things is on. I love this scene…” Or email her this very Maxim story subject titled, “LOL… but seriously what do you think?” You’re welcome in advance.
Find a Third Partner
This is the hardest part for most people—even, back in their pre-escort days, Bianca and Rob. “Neither one of us was going to walk up to somebody at the bar and say, ‘Hey, you look kind of kinky. Wanna come back to our place?’” he says. That’s one approach, if you’ve got massive balls. A better method is going on 3nder, the threesome dating app, or the “seeking a threesome” sections of OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. You might want to meet with, or at least FaceTime, your potential third beforehand to see if you all jive. If the vibe is good over cocktails, or an iPhone 6 Plus screen, graduate to group sex.
Be Brutally Honest
Just so everybody’s on the same page, make like Ludacris and ask each other “What’s Your Fantasy?” And be ready for her answer. “You should be able to tell each other exactly what you’re thinking without fear of judgment,” says Rob. “Like, ‘Honey, my ultimate fantasy is to see you with another man.’ Or a wife might feel free to tell her husband, sorry for my crudeness, ‘’Babe, I would love to have two cocks inside me.’ There should be an open dialogue.” Since you’re doing this, might as well do it right.
Set Ground Rules
Not to say you have to plan your threesome down to the move, but to avoid mid-coital conflict and jealousy, hash out what the two of you are up for—and not up for—pre-three. “A lot of couples don’t feel comfortable with kissing but they feel comfortable with penetration,” says Bianca. (James Deen and Stoya, amirite?) “In the beginning, we were only comfortable being watched,” recalls Rob wistfully. Planning your sex acts so strategically might sound like a buzz kill now, but once you get going, you’ll find it’s pretty much the same as dirty talk.
Proceed With Caution
Take it one step at a time, and make sure everyone’s cool with what’s happening. For example, Bianca thought she was OK with watching Rob have sex with another woman, but when it actually happened, “She went bananas,” he says. Conversely, he says, “I didn’t think I’d be comfortable with her kissing or doing anything with another man, but when a guy asked, I said yes, and realized, ‘Hey, it’s pretty hot.’” Ideally your girlfriend might realize she’s perfectly fine with the other girl doing really dirty things to you. But let’s not get greedy. Just be happy you’re having a threesome.
Don’t Ignore Her
It’s a rookie mistake, but don’t get too distracted by the new member of your throuple. “One of the most important things for any couple is to focus primarily on their partner,” says Bianca. If at any point, someone feels like they’re the literal third wheel, “almost instantly, that person gets turned off,” says Rob. When he and Bianca are having a threesome with another guy, for example, “Bianca is sure to be touching me at all times,” he says. “I’m never ignored. I’m always involved.”
Expand Your Horizons
Some thri-curious folk worry that one little threesome will mean they can never have sex “normally” again. A threesome doesn’t have to transform you into full-on swingers, but it could make you more adventurous. “Playing” with other couples, as the sexually seasoned call it, has turned Bianca, once a shy girl, into “1,000 women in one,” she says. “Sometimes Rob comes home and I’ll be in a short wig and I’ll say, ‘I’m Natasha’ and we’ll do role play,” she says. Or, during one of their sex coaching sessions for other couples, “I’ll say, ‘You’re going to be Natasha today and he’s Giuseppe, the Italian contractor here to fix your faucet.” (We’re pretty sure you can come up with something better than that, but you get the idea.)
Be Safe
This may go without saying, but you might want to wrap it up with a new partner. After all, you don’t want to contract an STD or anything–that could put a serious crimp in your budding threesome game. Now get out there and become the triple-threat that you’ve always wanted to be.
*Rob and Bianca want to be clear that they are not prostitutes who sell sex for cash. Clients pay for their time and companionship… any subsequent sex that happens between them is free and voluntary.
Photos by Everett Collection