DIY Sex Toys
Why spend $100,000 at Pleasure Island when you can just do it yourself?
Why spend $100,000 at Pleasure Island when you can just do it yourself?
Those crafty Canadians really love their hockey, and with the NHL lockout still ongoing, they’ve started to project that love towards loving each other. Apparently the country’s sex toy sales have risen 15% since October, and it’s bound to keep rising until everything gets sorted out on the hockey front. But why would you spend an insane amount of money on sex toys from your favorite local shop when you could just make them yourself? Probably because you have dignity. But we don’t, which is why we found a few DIY projects to replace your boring virbators and fake vaginas.
Jell-O Jigglers
Need:
– A pair of boobs for molding (good luck with that)
– Vaseline
– Plaster bandage
– 1 Package of Jell-O
– Decorations (because nipples love that!)
– Prepared answers for your family’s inquiries as to why this delicious dessert is oozing an unknown substance from its mangled remains
Directions:
– Slather gooey plaster onto your lady assistant (although, dude, what the hell are you doing making Jell-O boobs if you’ve got the real thing in the form of a lady assistant?! You’re weird.)
– Slick her up with Vaseline to get them off (Again, you’re fucking weird.)
– After making the Jell-O, place it over the molding and stick in the fridge overnight
– When solid, use decorations to make it more life-like
– Pump, grind, repeat
Zucchini-Carrot Combo Dildo
Need:
– Zucchini
– Baby carrots
– A slim vibrator
– No shame
Instructions:
– Cut a few inches off of the colossal sized zucchini so you don’t accidently kill your partner
– Hollow it out
– Insert slim vibrator into the carved hole
– On one side of the vegatable cut out four 1/4 to 1/2 inch holes to insert baby carrots. Not only can these things makes you see better, they are also “equipped” with G-Spot stimulation.
– Enjoy your semi-tossed salad
Fifi
Need:
– Towel
– Latex Rubber Glove
– Hallucinogens—this is going to be a difficult one to get through without them
Instructions:
– Stretch towel across flat surface
– Fold it in half
– Place glove on towel, allowing the wrist part to sit slightly outside of the towel
– Roll the towel up
– Stretch glove over the towel
– Enjoy the fake asshole you just wasted 5 minutes of your life crafting
Candy Corn Dildo
Need:
– Candy Corn*
– Vegetable Oil
– Milk carton
– A real sex toy for molding
– Paraffin wax
– Willingness to destroy your childhood
*Note: You can make the candy corn yourself, but we’re going to guess that you aren’t doing this for artistic or culinary reasons, so we skipped that part. Now go live out your Candy Land fantasy.
Instructions:
-Grease the sex toy you are using for molding purposes with vegetable oil
-Place it in the bottom of half of a milk carton
-Melt paraffin wax, pour into the milk carton
-Cut the wax block vertically in half, take out sex toy
-Grease the insides of the molds and pour in the candy
-Wrap the mold with a rubber band and freeze overnight
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