Who needs old-fashioned exercise when you can “get a six pack” just by swiveling in a chair?
Recently, yet another, more complicated alternative to just eating less and excercising more was released to the world: HAPIfork. For just under $100 you can get a fork that essentially annoys you out of poor eating habits: In addition to keeping a count of every bite you take and maintaining the average amount of time it takes for you to devour a meal, the tool also vibrates if it thinks you’re eating too quickly.
We’d just like to take a step back and state the obvious: it’s a fork, the very tool designed to aid in overeating. No vibration is going to stop you from shoving that chicken fried steak into your pie hole unless it also shocks your tongue mid-mouthful. But even so, what about all the unhealthy foods that don’t require a fork, like deep-fried corn dogs and bacon cheese fries covered in syrup? We can’t manually keep track of our bites when we’re focused on getting every last inch of melted cheese taken care of – this is America!
Clearly, the HAPIfork is a completely pointless invention, but of course, someone out there will buy it, use it once and then forget about it forever. Here are three other dumb weight-loss inventions that probably made some asshole rich.
hCG
Dude, you’re leaving out the part about where they actually get the hCG – pregnant women’s urine! – and the pesky downsides of taking it: major hair loss and facial swelling. So while this product might get you to that goal weight, it may also turn you into the chipmunk version of Vin Diesel along the way.
Foot Pads
Because sucking the toxins out through your feet will definitely get you on the track to fitness success.
The Hawaii Chair
Why would you go to the effort of eating well and lifting weights when you can just slim down by swiveling around in your office chair? Frankly, we’ve been doing that for years, and we’re pretty sure it’s only making us fatter.
