Next summer–when hot, sticky, weather causes you and your special lady to fight over every dumb thing going– arm yourself with these news stories and emerge victorious every time!
FIGHT
You came home late from the bar.
Your argument: People were buying you drinks, so you couldn’t leave!
News you can use: In March 2008, Richard Lee Thompson killed a fellow bar drinker with a pool cue over an argument that started when the victim refused Thompson’s offer of a free beer.
Moral: Refusing free drinks can be deadly!
FIGHT
You left the toilet seat up.
Your argument: You’re leaving it up for her safety!
News you can use: In November 2008, Kathleen Hewko fell into the bowl of a Starters sports bar toilet after the seat cracked, stranding her there for 20 minutes and permanently injuring her back.
Moral: Putting the toilet seat down can be deadly!
FIGHT
You won’t ask for directions.
Your argument: It’s safer to just look at the map. Even the wrong map!
News you can use: In October 2009, a 23-year-old New Zealand man was stabbed outside a bar after asking for directions back to his car, barely surviving the attack.
Moral: Asking for directions can be deadly!
FIGHT
You stupidly happened to agree that, sure, maybe you’d be OK with it if her boobs were a little bigger.
Your argument: It’s for her protection!
News you can use: In July 2009, Lydia Carranza was shot point blank in the chest, surviving only because one of her size-D breast implants absorbed the bullet’s impact.
Moral: Not having big boobs can be deadly!
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Win arguments using real life as your weapon!