We Interviewed a Phone Sex Operator About the Art of Dirty Talk
From her longest calls to her strangest requests, we’ve got an insider’s look at life beyond the dial tone.
My hands were shaky as I slowly punched in the digits to dial up Reaghan Haide, a phone sex operator of eight years. I’d never done anything like this before, and although I had a list of questions ready, I still didn’t feel prepared for who might greet me on the other end of the line. “Hello?” a voice inquired, wrapped up in silky, rich timbres. She had a slight British accent, and I was momentarily stunned before I regained my composure and started talking.
What passed next was the easiest hour of conversation I’ve ever had with a complete stranger. She walked me through the finer points of arousing someone with just your voice, her staying power throughout the rise of Internet porn, and the strangest request she’s ever gotten. Spoiler: it involves a trash bag.
This obviously isn’t a typical line of work. So what got you started?
I was looking for something to do where I could stay at home and help take care of my family. I looked around at everything else, and then one of my best friends said, “You are quite possibly the dirtiest person I know, and you have a really great voice. Why don’t you do phone sex?” So I thought about it, and I said, “You know what, I’ll give it a try. If I try it and I hate it, I’ll go on to find something else.” And that was eight years ago.
About how many clients do you usually speak to a day?
Oh god, that varies. I have some days where I will talk to 15 to 20 people, and I have days where I might just talk to two people.
What’s the longest you’ve ever been on a call with somebody?
Eight and a half hours.
Holy shit. What were you talking about for eight and a half hours?!
He was a client of mine that I have had a very long-term relationship with, and he was just in a place where he needed someone to talk to him. Our relationship has sort of gone past the phone sex portion of phone sex, and for eight and a half hours, we chatted about everything in his life. He just needed someone to listen to him. If I had to say what the longest actual phone sex call I had, it would probably be…maybe two hours.
I cannot imagine having sex for two hours. Even talking about it for two hours would make me tired.
It’s because you’re building a fantasy! The way I look at it is for every minute that you have the physical aspect of sex, that’s a good five minutes of describing it on the phone.
How so?
I can reach out and touch you, or I can describe what it feels like to have my hand on you. I can describe what I’m wearing, what I look like. So it’s much more involved than just reaching out and putting my hand on you.
It sounds more complicated than actual sex.
It does, it does. A lot of people, when they think of phone sex, they think of, “Oo baby! Oo baby! Oo baby!” But on the phone itself, I have to take the time to describe what I’m doing; what are you doing; what does it feel like? You’re painting a picture in their head.
But you couldn’t possibly wake up horny every single day. What do you do to get yourself in the mood?
Because I tend to have a very dominant, forceful personality, I cater mostly to femdom and fetish domination calls, and the power involved with that is what arouses me. Being able to connect with somebody and have them act out what I am telling them to do turns me on in a heartbeat.
What’s the strangest request you’ve ever gotten on a call with someone?
Oh god. I had a man once who wanted to get on cam for me, and he wanted to masturbate while he was inside a lawn bag. You know those big plastic trash bags? He wanted to pull the trash bag up to his chest and tie it off. So, his upper body was free. And I said, “No, we can’t do that. I’m not going to have you suffocate.” And he said, “No! I’m only gonna have it come to my nipples.” And he masturbated inside the bag, and he wanted me to talk to him about rolling around in the bag and rubbing up against the plastic inside the bag. It was…different.
Uh, wow. So you won’t let anyone hurt themselves. What other types of things won’t you do?
To sum it all up, if it’s illegal in the real world, I’m not going to do it. You do have people that push boundaries of very, very taboo fantasies, and I won’t do anything like that. I won’t do any sort of extreme torture where you could potentially hurt yourself. I’m trying to enhance your life. I’m trying to give you something that you feel you need.
What types of questions do you get asked the most?
A lot of people want to know what I look like.
And what do you tell them?
I’m very upfront with people. I tell them point-blank: I use a model for my image, because I need to protect my family. And so, a lot of people ask me what I look like. I have a lot of people asking if they can meet me offline, and I’m always very clear with them that’s never going to happen. I love my wife dearly, and I think she might shoot me if a man showed up on our doorstep.
Anything else they ask?
I notice a lot of people want to know about my strap-on collection. I have a fairly extensive one.
I’ve never tried one.
It goes back into the power exchange. It goes back into being the one that is in control is what drives my sexuality. To be the aggressor is a total head rush. I would say absolutely at least once in your life you should try it. Find someone willing to lie on their back and just go for it and just enjoy the sensation.
You might need to give my boyfriend a call, see if you can convince him. I have a feeling you could probably convince anyone of just about anything.
Well, that’s what I’ve been trying to do for eight years—convince people to do things that I want them to do.
So, you mention your wife. How does your work affect your relationship?
She absolutely loves the fact that I can do this for people – that I can give somebody something that nobody else in the world can give them. And she knows it makes me happy to do it, and so therefore, she is happy.
That’s a relief. What advice would you give other people who want to spice up the way they communicate in the bedroom?
Know your partner. Take the time to get to know what really turns them on. You don’t always have to revert to just swearing or using the work “Fuck!” or “Fuck me!” You can get a little creative with it.
How?
Try it. When you’re going down on your partner, say, “You know what, sweetheart? I really wanna try something nice. I think it would feel really, really good. Lay back and let me take control for a while.” And while you’re going down on him or while you’re running your fingers around his body, tell him what you’re doing. Say, “Does this feel really nice when I touch you like this? And I just trace my fingers up and down on that cock of yours—you love that feeling, don’t you?”
It’s getting warm in here.
Describing what you’re doing allows them to have almost a 3D effect. The reason 3D movies are so great is because they encompass all of your senses. Yes, they’re feeling it, but now they’re hearing it. And they can smell your perfume, or they can smell your shampoo or whatever—it encompasses everything, and therefore it enhances the sensation, and use that tomorrow. Leave him a little note saying, “I really loved when we were together. I can’t wait to do it again.” And then the next time you’re together, just lean over and whisper in his ear, “I can still remember what you tasted like on my tongue.”
Yeah, you’re good at this.
Ha! Little flirtatious things like that can enhance the sexual tension between you, so the next time he remembers what that was like, and maybe he takes the initiative, and he says, “I wanna do to you what you did to me. I wanna put my tongue against your nipple, and I wanna suck it and taste your breast in my mouth.” It becomes almost a ping-pong effect; he says that, and it enhances your flirtation.
Do you have any go-to lines that you find yourself using frequently in conversations?
“Get on your knees.” Typically speaking, people respond very well to it.
So in the booming Internet porn industry, how do more antiquated services like phone sex still stay afloat?
Phone sex is a personal resource. We’ve sort of lost that time where you’re just sitting down and concentrating on your intimacy. With phone sex, you are taking that moment that I think everybody needs. Everybody needs intimacy, and you are spending the time with someone who is giving you 100 percent of their attention. You explore new things with your phone sex partner, and then you can turn around and go to your wife, your girlfriend or what have you, and you’re more relaxed about it, so you can approach her from a much better perspective.
So it’s a way to learn to ask the things that you’re too afraid to ask for.
Exactly. It’s easier to talk to a faceless voice about what turns you on, and then once you can talk to a faceless voice about it, then you feel comfortable enough to go talk to your partner about it.
Well, I know your time isn’t cheap, but I’ve gotta know. Do you have an hourly rate? Or by the minute?
I charge by the minute, so my flat rate if $2.09 a minute.
My god, I’ve had an expensive call then.
I do women for free. It’s fine.
Would you say the breakdown of your clients is 50/50 men and women?
In eight years, I think I’ve spoken to three women.
Really? That’s fascinating.
If you think about it, women have our girlfriends that we can talk to. With their close female companions, they feel much more comfortable about discussing, “Oh my god! Do you know what I did in bed last night?” whereas men are not expected to have that sort of connection.
I guess my conversations with my girlfriends really are pretty explicit, so that makes sense.
They can be. But we don’t sit around talking about men’s cock sizes all day. But for that exploratory, “Hey! Have you ever tried…?” a woman will go to her best friend before she goes to a phone sex operator. And I think some of that is also cultural.
Well, you may have secured the ultimate dream job.
I really kind of did. I have some days where I will literally be sitting here from seven o’clock at night until 9:30 the following morning, and I have other days where I’m like, “You know what? I’m not gonna work today.” And I control that destiny for myself, and that is so freeing, so empowering, because I know as long as my bills are paid, I’m happy, and I get to let go of that stress in my life so I can let somebody else control their stress.
Photos by Getty Images
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