No. No. So much no. Please don’t have a top knot. To have a top knot, or a man bun, is to proudly adorn the top of your head with the world’s worst thing. You’re basically wearing two fedoras. No, TENfedoras. You have a soul patch as a haircut. You have a Hitler mustache on your dome. Your ‘do is one of those giant e-cigarettes that people smoke peach-flavored vapor out of. You also look like an overgrown adult baby, and I know that our grandfathers, with their rough hands and war stories and cool bouts with alcoholism, would be outraged. They would smack you with a rough, grown-man hand and then tell you to cut that stupid thing off your head. With all of you as my witness, I will use my Z-list celebrity platform to put a stop to the man bun once and for all. (Also, let’s be clear: My hairstyle pictured here is not a top knot; it is a vertical head dildo. Totally different thing.)
The Fat Jew, a.k.a.@thefatjewish to his 5.5 million Instagram followers (and counting), is probably busy drinking his own brand of wine, White Girl Rose’. He releases his first book, Money Pizza Respect, on October 27.
The Fat Jew Declares War On The Worst Hairstyle Ever
Believe it or not, the curiously-coiffed Instagram king seriously hates top knots and man buns.